17 Things for Vikings Fans to Do If the Lockout Persists

Mar 15, 2011

I wrote this for NFLTouchdown.com, but I figured I would share it with my readers as well.

All of us at NFLTouchdown.com are hoping for a quick solution to the collective bargaining disagreement. Minnesotans take their football very seriously, so a lockout would be devastating. I’m here to help by offering up some alternative entertainment plans.

Week 1:  This is your first week without NFL football. Why not travel back in time to the days before there was football? No, I’m not suggesting you hook up with Marty McFly and go Back to the Future . I’m talking about hitting up the Renaissance Festival. Beer, drumsticks, maidens. It’s not football, but it should be pretty darn fun. The opener is on September 8th so the Vikings will likely be playing on September 11th.

Week 2:  Enjoy a crisp fall morning by booking a foursome at Hazeltine with Charlie Sheen and two of his girls. Winning! You’ll have to explain to Charlie that Hazeltine is the golf course and Hazelden is the treatment center. Tiger blood optional. You’re looking at September 18th.

Week 3:  Head up to Mille Lacs Lake for some fall muskie fishing. Make sure to pack your rain gear. You’re looking at September 25th.

Week 4:  October is a great time to go apple picking in Minnesota. There are a ton of orchards around so finding one should be a snap. By now it’s October 2nd.

Week 5:  Take advantage of a beautiful fall day and head over to the Minnesota Zoo. It is October 9th.

Week 6:  Head over to the Mall of America for Camp Spooky or whatever they call it now. It’s October 16th.

Week 7:  You’ll have to figure out what to do Sunday, but Saturday the 22nd you can watch the Gophers get destroyed by Nebraska.

Week 8: Two words. Beer bus. You’re on the eighth week of what would be the NFL season and you’re one step away from taking up crocheting. Celebrate the night before Halloween having some Buds with some buds.

Week 9:  Form a petition to exile Prince from Minnesota forever.  After all, they went in the tank after that awful song he made for them before the Saints game. It’s November 6th.

Week  10:  Check out a Wolves game. I know they aren’t good either, but you can watch Ricky Rubio in person. It’s November 13th and along with the Rubio sighting I think I saw pigs flying over the Metrodome.  It’s November 13th.

Week 11:  Go deer hunting. You can’t take your aggression out yelling at your flat screen TV so do the Minnesotan thing and try to shoot something. It will be November 20th, your last day for firearm season in zone 1-A. Make sure you use your MonsterRaxx Whitetail Magnet to pull the deer in.

Week 12:  Pull a John & Yoko and stage a bed in until the players and owners agree on a solution. If it doesn’t work, at least you will be nice and rested after eating all that turkey on Thanksgiving. It’s November 27th.

Week 13:  Go to Holidazzle. Get some Christmas shopping done early and enjoy the parade at night. It’s December 4th.

Week 14:  Start writing your book titled “The Rise and Fall of the Kick Ass Offense”.

Week 15:  Take a vacation somewhere warm. It’s December 18th and the winter is unbearable without football. Go somewhere warm where football to them is soccer.

Week 16:  Send a letter to the league stating that you miss football so bad that you would take it back even if it meant Brad Childress was your head coach again and Tim Brewster was his top assistant. Maybe your Christmas present will be a resolution.

Week 17:  Go ice fishing. If you catch your dinner, great. If not, at least you can have a few beers on the lake to ring in the New Year.

Posted by | Categories: NFL | Tagged: Minnesota Vikings, NFL, NFL lockout |
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