TSN Cribs – Nick Saban
An oldie but goodie from my Sporting News vault. It’s a spoof so I hope nobody is offended.
Welcome to TSN Cribs, the show that gives you a glimpse at how your favorite sports stars are living. Today we are heading down to Alabama to profile new Crimson Tide football coach Nick Saban. “Welcome to my home. Me and my wife Terry have been living here for five glorious years.” Excuse me Nick, but your bio says you just moved here last year from Miami. Saban gives the camera and blank stare and says, “let’s take a look at the foyer”. On display in the foyer is a trophy from the 2003 BCS Title game against Oklahoma. “You like that trophy? That is from when we beat Ohio State in the title game last year.” But Nick, you coached the Dolphins last year, and it was Florida that won the National Championship. “Would you like to see my living room?”
In the living room Saban has beautiful hardwood floors and exquisite curtains. The leather couches are as comfortable as they are aesthetically pleasing. “You know I installed the hardwood floors myself”. Really, Nick? Isn’t that something? “Terry handstitched the curtains too.” Uh huh, Nick. The large plasma TV and the fireplace really bring the room together.
Heading into the kitchen you can see no limit was placed on the budge in this room. All the appliances are stainless steel. The countertop is Italian marble. The rich hardwood floors continue into the kitchen and dining area. There are beautiful roses on the counter and a look inside the fridge shows it is stocked with energy drinks and organic food. “I do all of the cooking around here. A few years ago I had Bear Bryant over for supper. He said I made the best BBQ he’s ever tasted.” Bear passed away in 1983, but whatever Nick.
In the hallway you can see my fine collection of art. I like art from several different periods so it’s like a mini-gallery in here. “This one is my favorite because I painted it myself.” Nick, that’s a print of the Mona Lisa. You did not paint it. You bought it on eBay. “Moving on.”
Now we head into Nick’s bedroom. There is a king size bed with a beatiful down comforter. There are dozens of boxes in the room. Dare I ask you about the boxes Nick. “Oh those are our clothes. We don’t like to unpack right away in case a better offer comes along”. The master bedroom leads to the master bathroom. It has a large jacuzzi and a walk-in shower.
The backyard is a stunning 14 acres. “It’s a lot of work to keep up this land. I employ a couple Cajun fellas to do the work for me. See I learned. I didn’t use that term that you guys took such great offense to. Well, I have to go call George W. Bush. He’s such a liar. I can’t believe a word that guy says.” If that’s not calling the kettle black. “What do you mean by that?” Nothing Nick. Thanks for having us in your home, and thanks to all of you for coming with us on the journey.