TSN Cribs – Wilt Chamberlain
Since my wife will give birth to our second child any day now, I figured I’d post some oldies but goodies from my Sporting News vault. This is a spoof so I hope nobody takes offense.
Welcome to TSN Cribs. Today we are doing a blast from the past as we step in Wilt Chamberlain’s house circa 1985. Chamberlain, often referred to as the “Big Dipper” has dubbed his estate “Ursa Major”. The front door of Ursa Major is a 2200 pound pivot. A man of Wilt’s stature needs to make a grand entrance. In the foyer is a huge life size mural of Chamberlain as Giant Bombaata from Conan the Destroyer. This oil painting is the only one of its kind, and is priceless. The chandelier is well off the ground so Wilt the Stilt does not bump his head.
Heading into the living room there is a huge sectional sofa with a couple of scantily clad women sleeping. There are a couple of empty champagne bottles on the giant glass coffee table. There is beautiful purple shag carpet throughout the house with gold window treatments. His cats Zip and Zap are curled up on the carpet soaking in the sun. There is a giant big screen TV in one corner. It’s the only one this size in Bel-Air.
Heading into the dining room you’ll see a table that resembles the round table used by King Arthur’s Knights. The table is set with fine china from the Ming Dynasty. Having spent his whole life as a bachelor, Wilt has plenty of money to spend on the finer things in life. Heading into the kitchen you’ll notice that all of the appliances are custom built. They are all in stainless steel, but they are oversized and have Wilt’s monogram on them. Opening the fridge you see 24 bottles of Coke and a several bottles of Dom Perion. All of his food is catered in. Rumor has is Wilt has slept with all six of the chefs he’s employed over the years.
Heading to the bedroom you’ll notice Wilt Chamberlain has a deluxe 16′ x 10′ bed. There are a couple of naked women sleeping in his bed. The comforter is leopart print and the sheets are silk. There is a TV with a remote control that Wilt keeps on the night stand. Inside the night stand, Wilt has a large black book that lists close to 18,000 women’s names. Looking in his closet you can see the numerous fur coats and polyester suits. There are dozens of boat size shoes. The master bedroom also has it’s own bathroom with a custom tub that can fit six people easily. There are a few pairs of panties on the floor.
We’ll end our trip in the back yard where Wilt stores his cars. He has a Ferrari, a Bentley, and his very own Chamberlain Search I, which was desigend by Peter Bohanna. An Olympic size pool, full size basketball court, and a tennis court made to resemble Wimbleton occupy the remainder of the backyard.
Well, Wilt is pulling up in a bus full of young, attractive women. I think that’s our cue to leave. Hope you enjoyed the walk down memory lane with me. Thanks for watching TSN Classic Cribs.
*Some of this info was taken from wikipedia for accuracy.